Part 1 of My Story

My road to motherhood has not been easy, but it is my hearts greatest desire and hope that someday I can say, "it was all worth it".

For the majority of my childhood I led a very happy and healthy life. At the age of 11 that all seemed to change right before my eyes and my life has been a medical battle ever since. That battle has been a personal struggle, but I wish to say, that I have been richly blessed in dealing with such a trail. We are all given certain trials or challenges in our life for one reason or another, and in all honesty I am not sure I would trade my challenges for one second to receive another individual's earthly test.

The first time I can ever really remember having pain was when I went to girl's camp for church. I remember telling the nurse at camp of how I was feeling and she quickly gave me the prognosis that I was just starting my menstrual cycle for the first time and experiencing menstrual cramps. This same cramping pain went on for several months. I remember times when it would get so bad I would wake up in the middle of the night and lay in a warm bath of water in an attempt to sooth the pain. Then one day while lying in my bed, I noticed a large lump on my abdomen about the diameter of a golf ball. My mom rushed me to our family doctor a few tests were performed and I was then referred to an OB/GYN. That visit to the OB/GYN would inevitably change my life forever.

Unfortunately I don't remember all the details or really even the sequence of the events following that appointment. I guess in my way of coping with the situation as a 12 year old, I have blocked many portions out. What I do remember about that day is that what they discovered wasn't positive. During an ultrasound they discovered what they thought to be two VERY large ovarian cysts (one on each ovary). The mass on the right measured 16.5 x 9 x 10 cm, and the mass on the left measured 6.2 x 4 x 6 cm. The doctor recommended that I undergo an exploratory laparatomy to have the masses removed and intern my ovaries as well. She went into great detail about the repercussions of such an outcome and also the possibility of other diagnosis's if that was not what they found. The outcomes that she listed included ovarian cancer, possible loss of hormonal function, and sterilization. At that time the only possible outcome I remembered hearing was the last.

Although at the tender age of 12, pregnancy and motherhood were about the two furthest things from my mind, it still seems to be what you mold your life around as a female. The grim possibility that I would not be able to ever bear children wasn't what I had planned or could have ever expected for myself. The diagnosis the doctor felt most confident in, would result in not being able to have children. It was more than I could swallow or understand. When we returned home, I remember running next door to where my best friend lived and crying to her about what they had just told me.

I underwent the surgery a few days later but the diagnosis quickly changed when they surgically went into my abdomen. They did not discover cysts on my ovaries, but rather a large left fallopian tube that was completely scarred shut and blood filled and an enlarged, distorted uterus extending up to my umbilicus. They then went in vaginally to find a thick vaginal septum, this was opened which released between 350-400cc of old, thick, tarry blood from my uterus and left fallopian tube. Basically I had started my menstrual cycle for the first time approximately 3 months before hand, but because of the vaginal septum the menses had nowhere to go. The damage that my organs had withstood from holding the blood, in turn resulted in the removal of my left fallopian tube.

As for the battle wound, I have a nice 3.5" scar along my abdomen which included 26 staples at the time of the surgical recovery. I spent three days in the hospital on large amounts of morphine and received several visits, with lots of gifts and flowers, from friends and family. Those few days in the hospital are filled with funny stories of all the crazy things I did because of the medications… it's the one part of this story that as a family we could all laugh about. My dad's favorite one is when I attempted to take a drink from a juice box that they had given me. I made it about half way from the tray in front of me to my mouth, at which point I fell asleep.

There were a few other minor surgeries and procedures in the months that followed to attempt to correct some problems that arose after the major operation. Unfortunately, those problems remain with me today and are the one aspect of this whole story that is too personal for me to share with everyone. These congenital issues have resulted in a series of Chronic UTI's (urinary tract infections) and in a few severe cases those UTI's have spread into my kidneys causing unbearable kidney infections.

This basically sums up "Part 1" of my story. "Part 2" begins in more recent months as I have actively seeked out answers, and more importantly, solutions, to the chronic UTI's and heart breaking infertility. I am not emotionally ready to share this portion of my story with you tonight, but I hope that tomorrow will give me new strength as I continue down my road to motherhood.

For a link to Part 2, click here.