Pieces

My surgery to remove my right uterine horn (which had no communication with my actual uterus and was suspected to have endometrosis) finally arrived last Tuesday. Everything went well and as planned and I am recovering. This surgery has left me with feelings and emotions that I don't typically allow myself to have. It is as if the surgery just sucked all of the positivity and optimism right out of me. The reality that my body will never allow me to conceive a child naturally has set in more than ever. The reality of how I was born, and what has been taken and removed, and how it simply cannot be fixed or replaced is clear.

I returned to work this Wednesday and to the love and concern of the people with whom I work with. The other designer I work with asked for a better explanation than I had previously given her of just what exactly they did. The best way I knew to explain it was by drawing a picture. I pulled out my sticky notes and drew what a normal uterus looks like and gave a brief explanation of the parts (uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries). Then, right below that image, I drew what my anatomy looked like when I was born. That image was followed, by how my anatomy looks now (after two surgeries). When I glanced down at my own drawing, I realized just how pitiful it looked. And not just because of my artistic inabilities, but rather that there really wasn't much there. It was all just a bunch of PIECES, none of which do what they are suppose to do.

I am left with two fabulous ovaries. The right has a fallopian tube to communicate with, but no uterus communication. The left side contains my unicornuate uterus (half the normal uterus), but does not have a fallopian tube to make communication between my uterus and left ovary(my left fallopian tube was removed as a child). Simply put... a bunch of useless PIECES, a scar covered tummy, and no baby to hold and call my own.