This is the year...or not!

"No one knows what this next year will bring, 

but one thing is sure, He will be with us and 

He is enough for every difficulty that may arise"

I have found myself anticipating when pregnancy will take place for us on more than one occasion. These moments typically happened before I knew or understood the full extent of what it would actually take for us to get pregnant (assuming pregnancy is even a viable goal). I remember thinking that maybe I was simply suppose to finish school before the Lord would bless us with little ones. Graduation came and went and there were no little ones in site. 

We then moved to Arizona and I made my first appointment with a fertility specialist. I figured that it was finally our time. I anxiously waited for my appointment for two months but ended up having to cancel after such anticipation. We received the news that we were being transferred to Arkansas and coincidentally, my fertility appointment was set for the exact day we were scheduled to move.

I remember feeling a strong push shortly after we moved to Arkansas to again pursue a fertility doctor to find answers to our infertility. I can also recall feeling impressed to find a doctor who had a solution to my chronic UTI's, kidney infections, and other urinary problems. I figured those thoughts and feeling were signs of what my immediate future (meaning within the next year or so) might hold.

I can recall a conversation in particular with a close cousin a little over a year ago. In this conversation, I stated that I was going to get all of my medical issue resolved, see a fertility specialist, and at the latest, be pregnant by Christmas time (2009). Well, as most of you know this plan also fell short...very short to be exact! 

I have spent a good part of the past year and a half working with doctor after doctor to find answers to my complex medical history. All the while, I was anticipating to get those problems resolved and then move on to the next goal...pregnancy/motherhood. Through all of this, I am finally figuring out that you cannot foresee  what the Lord has in store for you. It simply doesn't work that way. There is one thing and one thing only that I can relay on being consistent and that is that He will be with me if I let him into my life.

I have no idea what this year will bring. I do not know if my urinary problems will subside in a few months or if it will take years. I do not know if further surgeries will be necessary to resolve the issue or not. I do not even know by what means we should start pursue our family (IVF or adoption). And I certainly do not know if this is the year I can claim the title of "mother". Just as the quote at the top of the post reads, "No one knows what this year will bring, but one thing is sure, He will be with us and He is enough for every difficulty that may arise".

P.S. I wanted to thank my mom for her inspiration to send me this beautiful quote. Those few words have taught me so much over the course of the past few days as I have pondered their profound meaning. Thanks Mom!