Good Things to Come

Have you ever have that experience where you feel the Lord is speaking directly to you through someone else? 

I have been so discouraged over the past several months as my body has decided to do anything but cooperate! I have felt so frustrated by it all, and somewhat hopeless that they will ever find a solution to my urological problems. With every advance they make my body seems to take ten steps backwards and I am left with more problems than what I dealt with before. It has been a time of finding myself and and deciding what I am made of.

A little over a month ago, my body developed the first major urinary tract infection since post-surgery.  My doctor quickly prescribed a 10 day regimen of antibiotics and requested I return upon finishing them to give another urine specimen to confirm it was clean. After 10 days of medicine, I still had an infection. They cultured the urine, determined the best antibiotic to kill that particular bacteria, and put me on an addition 10 day regimen of a different antibiotic.

Last Wednesday I returned to give my third urine sample and I am pretty convinced I still have the infection! I should find out what the results of the culture are tomorrow, but since I have completed my last course of medicine I already have begun to see traces of blood in my urine again (sigh).

There are moments when all I want to do is through my hands in the air I declare, "I give up"! I am simply not strong enough, emotionally and physically, to continue fighting this battle. In these moments I have to dig deep to find hope and peace. I often hold on to the sweet words of a co-worker and friend who once gave me the perfect analogy that has carried me through a lot of rough days.

"It is like I am on the last leg of a long race...I am tired and worn out and I don't much feel like continuing on. I am ready to give up, but if I just push through this last little part, my reward will be sweet and my joy will be full." I will be able to declare that although it was a long and hard race, I pushed through, and it was a journey worth finishing.

Tonight, I came across the video posted below. It is of Elder Holland as he recalls his days as a poor young father with a broken down family car. On that challenging day from his past, he wishes he could have told himself the following,

"Don't you quit, you keep walking, you keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessing come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ...they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God, and believe in good things to come."

Those words couldn't be more perfect and more inspired. They have filled my heart with a much needed peace and comfort. I pray that in your own struggles, these words will find your heart and touch your soul as they have mine. In the profound words of Elder Holland, "Everyone of us has times when we need to know that things will get better." "It will be alright in the end. Trust God, and believe in good things to come."

{Please turn off the music before playing}

*To watch the video in full screen click here.

60 Days and Counting…

"Even miracles take a little time" –Cinderella

 

For Christmas my mom gave me a small table plaque with the above quote from the movie Cinderella. The moment I read those few words they gave peace to my aching heart. When we set out on our journey to become parents several year ago, I never could have imagined I would still be empty handed 5 years later. I am confident that our MIRACLE will come when the Lord feels we are ready, it just may take a little more time than I originally anticipated. 

That same quote has certainly had significant impact on me as my process of healing from my recent surgery has been much longer than I or anyone else originally anticipated. 60 DAYS later, I still have a catheter as I have experienced immense difficulty urinating on my own. We have done a great deal of praying for a miracle, praying that further surgery would not be necessary and that I would be able to pee normally. In the Lords time…he has granted me days of triumph, sometime followed by days of sorrow. But the simple fact that I have seen days of triumph are small miracles in my eyes. 

Following my emergency surgery two days before Christmas, my doctor gave me two weeks to try and pee on my own. Much of that time, I saw little, if any progress. The Sunday before the two week mark a few ladies I serve with at church decided to fast for me. We then asked several members of our family if they would also join in a fast on my behalf. That same Sunday, I used the restroom in between meetings at church and to my surprise…I went pee! Words cannot describe the overwhelming feeling that flooded my body as I sat there on the toilet with eyes full of tears. It had taken a little time, but I had truly seen a MIRACLE. That miracle has been followed by several more miracles which have led me through 36 additional days with a catheter. 

I still have a long way to go, but my doctor seems reassured with my resent progress. There are days that I am almost entirely able to go on my own, and other days where I can only get out a few drops. Isn't it funny how we forget to appreciate the simple things that Heavenly Father has blessed us with…like the ability to go pee? I know I certainly took advantage of this simple task until my body wasn't able to do it anymore. MIRACLES can and do happen, sometimes they just take a little time. 

Please continue to pray for my progress…it means so much!

Thankful

Through all of this adversity, I am still well aware of my blessings and I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I have had several people make the comment that maybe the reason we are in Arkansas is to get all of my medical "stuff" straightened out with the "right" doctor. I am not sure I could say that was the only reason we were sent here but I do feel that it has maybe played a major roll in our being here.

I have seen six urologists in three states over the course of 13 years and it wasn't untill a few months ago that one of them, Dr. Brizzolara, had an answer for me (and better yet...a solution). I am so thankful for my amazing doctor here in Arkansas. He has earned my total and complete trust and has shown me compassion, concern, and understanding. He went out of his way to check on me during my hospital stay, often coming at 4:30 and 5 in the morning before he went into his office for work.

I am grateful for Dr. Moutos, my wonderful fertility doctor, that started this recent medical journey for me. He acted quickly to find the problem and he gave me hope that I might could get pregnant though IVF. He explained in detail but yet in simple language what a unicornuate uterus meant and how it would affect me. He gave me fascinating pictures of my "insides" from my HSG and laparoscopy and jokingly told me that I could put them to my scrapbook.

I am so thankful for the amazing technology that was available to both of these amazing doctors that they were able to diagnose and treat my problems so effectively. I am thankful that I have the option of IVF available to me so that one day I might be able to carry my own child. It is quite amazing what they can do now compared to just 10 or 20 years ago.

I am not typically a big fan of taking pills, but I have certainly come to appreciate them a little more latley. I am thankful for pain medications and epidurals so that all these procedures that I have undergone would be a little more bearable. I am grateful for antibiotics which have saved my kidneys from further damage from infections. I appreciate that I am not afraid, and never have been, of needles because I have had alot of them poke me. There have also been several other medications that have helped me along the way to improve my way of life and allow me to function when I otherwise might have not.

I am grateful for good health insurance making my care both possible and financially feasible. I am grateful to my husbands company for allowing him to take time off work frequently without using vacation pay to be at my appointments and procedures. I am so thankful for my husband and his love and support through times when I am sure I was hard to love and support. I appreciate the many times when he has simply held me while I cried.

And last but certainly not least, I am so thankful for my loving Heavenly Father, who knows me and has never left me through my times of struggle. I am grateful for his hand in all of these amazing blessing that I have listed above. It is by him and through him that I am still standing. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and these are just a few...